Sunday, June 28, 2020

Doctor Tales



These antidotes came from email on the Internet. I don't know who the physicians were, but they had tales to tell. Funny, too.

A man comes in the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab and lifted the lady's dress. I began struggling with her underwear, but she was uncooperative. Suddenly I glanced up and became horrified. There were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest.  "Big breaths, " I instructed. 

"Well, they used to be." She replied.

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and said, "Cover your right eye with your hand.  

He did and read the 20/20 line.  "Now your left."  Again, he read it.  "Now both." Nothing. 

The man couldn't read the large E. I turned and discovered he'd done exactly what I'd asked.  He was covering both eyes.

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with the medications.  "Which one?" The doctor asked. 

"The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and I'm running out of places to put it."

The patient undressed, and sure enough, he had over fifty patches on his body.  The new instructions now read, "Remove the old patch before applying a new one."

Have you experienced a video chat with a doctor yet?  I've had three. It's kinda nice.


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