Yesterday, I was sad.
I wrote in my praise journal during the morning hours and listed my blessings as they came to me.
So much for postive thoughts and prayers.
Regardless of my good intentions, dispair came.
But...............it could have been worse. No telling how bad the day would have been if I hadn't counted blessings at daybreak.
The day didn't go well.
I made four one hour round trilps to take my daughter to the doctor. She has dementia. A total of four hours driving, plus stops to eat and see a doctor. A doctor who said the visit was a wasted trip.
Listtening to my child ask the same questions over and over requires stamina. Converstations to someone who can't remember they just asked the question or made the comment requires patience. Feeding her bites while people stared is painful. Helping with bathroom activities is difficult. Caregiving to one who is helpless requires stamina and patience.
I've never had a lot of those attributes. Stamina or patience. Many caregivers experience fatigue. I'm not alone in that department.
Dementia is a thief. It comes upon one slowly and never leaves.
The illness robs the patient of a sound mind and body.
The Devil of a Disease steals the loved one from families.
Why doesn't God lead science to the cure for these heartbreaking diseases like dementia, cancer or ALS? The list goes on.
I've asked Him. Many times. He hasn't respondid with an answer.
But .....who am I that He should answer? Me? A mere, sinful mortal? One who has never done that much good in the world? He didn't answer Job, and Job was a righteous man. Why would I think He should respond to me? Such hubris on my part!
No answers. Just tears.
But there is always hope in tomorrow.
Wow. I have tears while reading this.
ReplyDeleteThanks Melissa. I appreciate your response.
ReplyDeleteI've seen this horrible disease up close, but never in a young person. My dad talked constantly about wanting to go home, even though he did not know he was in his own house. He finally went to his real home, in Heaven. We do not see the plan, but trust that God has one that we will someday understand. I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. May Our Father give you strength, patience, and kindness to lovingly care for your daughter.
ReplyDeleteCarlene, thank you.
ReplyDelete