"I have no idea where I am"
One of our daughters gave me this t-shirt, and does it
ever fit me! If you can't read it, it says "I have no idea where I am." There's an arrow pointing to a star. I like to think it's for Sarah, my little angel who never knows where she is either.
I’ve never had a sense of
direction—it comes from my mother’s side of the family. My dad never needed a
map to go anywhere. I remember him telling the story about a trip he took with
my mom and her brother. They left Fort Worth headed to Birmingham, Alabama. My
dad always drove, never liked to stop, and would continue into the wee hours of
morning. This was during the days of no inter-states, so it took longer.
On this occasion, he grew sleepy a few miles past Meridian
Mississippi. He pulled over, hauled himself into the backseat, and told the duo, my mom and her brother,
to stay on the road.
He slept for an hour, awoke, and said, “Where are we?”
My mom, who was the co-pilot, answered, “We’re just now
coming into Meridian, Mississippi.
My dad responded with his Army language. ***bleep***! That’s where I gave you the wheel.”
They’d made a complete circle and were coming back into
the place where he’d turned over the driving chore. Needless to say, he didn’t do it
again.
Sarah, the star of my series, is dyslexic and never knows
where she is. In her latest adventure, she even worries about getting lost on a
cruise ship. In this scene below, she appears as human female as she tries to
help her charge, Carolyn.
“What sort of disasters
have you caused, and how many? I’ll figure our odds of seeing you cause one
while you’re on the boat.” Jason’s tone indicated genuine interest.
“Start with the
jewelry store caper.”
“How’s that?” Jason
turned his head to Nick.
“She knocked over a
rare and expensive Waterford bowl—almost caused it to shatter on the floor.”
“That could happen to
anyone—doesn’t sound much like a catastrophe. What else?” Jason continued with
his questions.
“Well, one time I
needed to make a car go forward but I don’t know how to drive so I backed into
a vehicle behind me.”
“You can’t drive?” By
her expression, Dana found this unbelievable.
“Not yet. Anyone want
to teach me?”
“I’ll pass.” Nick
performed a huge eye roll.
“If we’re ever on land
together, I’ll give you a lesson. I’m a good teacher.” Ash smiled.
“You got an armored
tank? You might need one.” Nick directed his inquiry to Ash.
“Aw, come on Nick, she
can’t be that bad.” Ash responded with glee.
“What else have you
done?” Jason’s evident curiosity grew by leaps and bounds.
“I get lost a lot. Once
I was supposed to be in Houston, but I landed in Dallas instead.”
“That makes no sense.
Did you board the wrong plane?” Jason frowned.
“To this day, I’m not
sure how that came about.” Sarah shrugged.
“Strange. Anything
else?” Jason withdrew a pocket calculator.
“I unintentionally caused
a waitress in a restaurant to dump huge platters of steak and gravy on a
customer.”
Jason punched in numbers.
“Go on.”
“Do you really want to
hear this?” Sarah glanced at the others.
“By all means, don’t
stop now.” Nick drummed his fingers on the table.
“I once injured a man while
I tried to walk in stilettos.” Sarah turned to Dana. “I love those shoes, but I
can’t stay upright in them—I keep falling down. One time, while trying on a
really cute green pair, I lost balance and pulled a tablecloth off a table.
Caused all the dishes to smash to the floor and break.”
Nick twisted his
mouth. “Lady, you are a real piece of work.”
Jason finished his
calculations. “I’d say the odds of you doing some calamity on the ship are
about 10 to l.” He looked about the group. “Anyone want to make a wager?”
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