I recently signed up with Ancestry, the online business that
helps build family trees and solve mysteries.
Why didn’t my folks share stories about their past? Why
don’t I ask questions about our ancestors? If they had shared, I might not have signed up for this DNA place.
My family seemed to take pride in
keeping secrets. Years ago, I wrote a
book about family secrets. It’s a good read, even if I say so myself.
On Amazon
I wrote a blog previously about my aunt. She told me she
would go to her grave without revealing a family scandal. I asked her to tell
me what or who it involved, but she refused. And so she did what she said she’d
do…died without telling me. But why mention it to me at all?
I’m discovering a few crazy people in my ancestry tree, but
I already knew my aunt was one of them. This lady kept a picture album, and
underneath a photo of a barn, she wrote, “This is where my heart was broken.”
Did my aunt’s heartbreak have something to do with the
family scandal she mentioned? I doubt Ancestry will have the answers to that
question. I want to know about the lives of my family, not just their names.
While searching Ancestry, I discovered the name of my dad’s
first wife. I knew he had one, but I haven’t learned the year they married or
the year they divorced. Evidently, they had no children. I think I would have
known about their possible offspring, but then again, maybe not.
My dad, in his elder years, had a stroke and lived in a
facility. After my mom died, he told me his first wife came to see him. He told
her he would never marry again. Was this story true, or was it imagination in
his challenged brain? He also spoke
about a son he had by a woman other than my mom, or his first wife, but he
couldn’t tell me anything about the guy. So now, I’m looking for answers in
Ancestry.
My lineage came from England and Ireland. This, I knew
already, but I want to know when they came to the United States and their
stories about living in their new country.
So far, I’ve discovered they farmed after their arrival, but farming was a common occupation back in the formative years of the Republic.
I have a niece and nephew who are interested in our family
background, but other members of my family don’t care about it.
The one thing that comes to mind is this: my folks didn’t
want people to know their secrets.
But then, who does? How many secrets will you take to your
grave? In the future, if a relative digs into your past, will they find a half-brother
you didn’t know existed?
Or you might find no records of your parent’s marriage.
Perhaps you will discover your father was a polygamist.
DNA connects us to people, but those people may not want to
be found. My daughter used a different research company and found a perfect DNA
match. This guy has the name of my grandfather, and he looks like a young
version of my grandfather. I sent him two private messages, but he doesn’t want
to correspond with me. I know he is a relative. Perhaps he doesn’t want to hurt
someone or know his ancestor’s secrets. But why sign up with a company that helps
you find info?
I suppose digging into the past can open a can of worms.
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