Anger

 

“Are you angry?”  A lady ambled up to me after a fitness class. I see her working out, but I’ve never met her and don’t know her name.

I’m sure my eyebrows rose at her question. They usually do when I’m surprised. “Am I angry about what,” I asked?

“I know your daughter passed recently, and I see you looking normal. Aren’t you angry about what happened to you?”

“No, I’m not angry. I get sad, and sometimes I’m more depressed than at other times, but I’m not angry.”

The lady began to cry. Tears of sorrow flooded her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. “I’m so angry that I want to yell and smash something.”

Whoa! I thought. What do I do now? I replied. “I can see you are upset. What caused this rage?”

Between sobs, the woman explained her husband of 50 years had made unwise decisions, and they now they had no money or friends. She went on to tell me he yells at her over and again to “just get over it.”

I said you need a hug, and I gave her one. But what else to say? People who are hurting don’t need platitudes. They need help. Answers. But what can I do to support, and what answers could I give to help?

Our choices affect other people and cause a ripple result. This lady didn’t gamble money away, her husband did, and she now suffers the consequences of his actions.

Bummer? Right?

I never expected to bury a daughter, but I did. We have no control over all our circumstances, but we can choose our actions and thoughts.

The troubled lady thought I looked as though I’m doing well. She can’t see inside my heart, just as I can’t see into hers. But I see hurt on her face. She didn’t see pain on mine. On that day, anyway.

This lady kept saying, “I need to be kind. I need to forgive.”

I replied, “That is a good response. You’re on the right track.”

 Is it easy to forgive and move on?

A big no! Choosing to forgive and acting kind takes work. And it is exhausting. And for hundreds, like me, it’s more draining than not. It is equally hard for this dear lady, too.

I’m not angry with God for taking my daughter. She was so sick! And now she isn’t.

But what if my feet were in this lady’s shoes? I’m guessing I’d be angry at my husband for doing unreasonable things, and I might be angry at God because He allowed it.

I’d be in good company. In the Old Testament, Job and Jonah became angry with God. They also lived to talk about it.

Moses also had his problems with the Almighty.

What did they do to get over it?

Nothing.

God intervened at the proper time.

Did it make them feel good to be angry at God?

Probably.

For a tiny bit of time, anyway.

But when reason took over, these guys realized how merciful God is.

And that humbling fact surpassed everything else.

My friends, I don’t know where you are on your journey. Perhaps you are angry. Depressed. Feeling hopeless. In daily tears.

Emotions are just that. They aren’t facts. And that’s okay. God gave them to us, and they teach us stuff He wants us to know.

Facts are these:  God loves us. He’s merciful beyond measure. He’s with us even when we are angry, and He understands.

As the day darkens into night, so do our circumstances.

Chin up!

Dear one, it will get better. Don’t give up! Wait to see what God has planned for you!

Top Rated Blog

 

My blog, “I’ll Always Remember” was selected as one of the top dementia blogs on the Internet!

You'll find my blog here: I'll Always Remember

On this blog, I write about our daughter and our journey with dementia. I try to give tips for caregivers. Traveling with someone who needs care is daunting. Caregivers are confronted with situations they have never experienced before. We don’t know the questions to ask, and when we do seek information, we don’t always know what to do with it.

Caregiving takes a toll physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Most of the caregiving falls to one person. We feel privileged to help, but we grow weary.

I met a man whose mother suffers with Alzheimer's. His wife slept with the man's mom. Fearing the afflicted would wake up and wander, the wife placed a bell over the bedroom door.  Alzheimer's patients can wander off. If the mom got up, the bell would awaken the caregiver.

This man told me his wife fed his mom and bathed her.

This man said it was an honor to care for his mother. But he was out and about. His wife had the honor. Not him.

I have lunch once a month with two ladies whose husbands lived in the same memory care as our daugher. We encourage each other and offer suggestions for the unexpected surprises.

Our daughter now lives in heaven. A friend asked me if I plan to continue the dementia blog. I will for a bit longer. I hope I can help someone who is on this dreadful voyage.

We all need to help one another as much as we can. 

Ways to help a caregiver

1. Financially.

2. Stay with the afflicted person while the caregiver takes a break.

3. Take a meal to them.

4. Listen to the caregiver. Just listen. 

5. Hug them.

6. Give them this link to information Best Dementia Blogs

 

 

Penelope and Me

Good Morning Everyone!

 

I want you to meet my friend, Penelope Marzec. She is an author with a staggering amount of novels to her credit.

Penny and I have never met face to face, but we are long-term friends. We met in 2012, when our publisher published my first book, and Penny was already an experienced novelist with the same company.

We have a lot in common. We are about the same age, and we both have been married to our husbands for years. We each gave birth to three daughters.

In a few ways, we are different. She is a devout Catholic, and I’m a dedicated Baptist, but we are both committed Christians.  She is a Democrat, and I am a Republican, but we respect each other, and we can talk about our differences without anger or insinuations.

Penny’s latest book, Love’s Gift, is another book to interest and enlighten you. She writes about the Transcontinental Railroad.  I asked her how she came up with that idea, and here’s what she said.

On Amazon

“The idea of the Chinese orphans came to me due to my husband’s fascination with trains.

From him, I learned about the building of the Transcontinental Railroad. Chinese laborers were recruited to come to this country to help build the railroad. They were given lower wages than the whites plus their work in tunneling through the Sierra Nevada Mountains was the most

dangerous. Yet, they were excluded from the famous photograph that marked the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad in Utah, which was celebrated by the hammering of the Golden Spike.

 Unfortunately, the Chinese became victims of racial prejudice and in 1882 the Chinese Exclusion Act banned Chinese laborers from entering the United States. The Chinese already in this country were not allowed to become citizens. In fact, Chinese people in this country needed

to carry residency papers with them at all times. Otherwise, they could be sent to China. It’s a sad part of our country’s history, but my heroine perseveres helped by her faith.”

This is a wonderful book, and I hope you will buy it and leave a review!

I'm published a video about Penny and this book. Perhaps you'd like to see it. 

Gay on YouTube

 

 

Galveston Time

From our hotel balcony.

 Hubby and I made a trip to Galveston to see the Glenn Miller Orchestra. 

As a child, I listened to my aunt's recordings of the band's renditions. I played the song, "In the Mood" over and over. It sounded happy to me.

The band we saw in Galveston was excellent. They were not the original group, of course, but they were as good as the first assembly of musicians. 

I bought the tickets in advance. I also made hotel reservations. We are about two hours from Galveston, and we didn't want to return late at night, so we stayed over. Besides, a stay in Galveston is always lovely. I enjoy gazing at the water, even if it is seldom blue. The Gulf of America/Mexico is always grey when I view it.

As we drove, heavy rain pelted us. We had to pull off the highway and wait a few minutes before we could see to drive on to our destination.

When one purchases tickets in advance, how does one know the weather? Right?

From the Internet.

We had planned to Uber from the hotel to the 1884 Grand Opera House in Galveston, but I don't know how to use the Uber app properly, so we drove our car instead.

This theater opened in 1895, but I suppose the founders planned it in 1894, thus the name, 1894 Opera House.

It is old, but it is filled with ambience. The audience must have been smaller than today's patrons. The leg room in the place was kin to that of an airplane.

We sat beside a couple who live in Galveston and hold season tickets. The lady told me they have looked all over the auditorium for the best leg room, but the seating in the place didn't have it.

Americans grow larger these days than they did in 1894.

I needed to trip to Galveston. As you know, if you read my blogs, our daughter lives in heaven now, but I continue to grieve.

If you have a chance to see and hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra, go! You will enjoy it. The movie, "The Glenn Miller Story" is a wonderful movie. It stars James Stewart and June Allyson.

On a different subject. My book, Sarah and the Angelic Magical Makeover is free today!  I wrote it, but when I read it, I still laugh. It's a feel good book.

Sarah and the Angelic Magical Makeover

Rejection Hurts

 

A New Year is here. Yay!  We can put away the decorations and look forward to a fresh beginning. Right?

But wait a second! What about the old feelings?  You know what I mean? Those emotions of anger and sadness because someone hurt our feelings last year. Yeah, those.

We experience domestic times at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those two holidays occurred just two or three months ago. They were nerve-racking, merry-go-round for countless families. Did you suffer disappointments with relatives during those recent festivities?  Does the irritation; anxiety, or pain still linger? Will it last forever?

Family Rejection Hurts!

The holiday ends, but the discord goes on. I work with an architect whose daughter hasn’t spoken to him in four years. He didn’t know she had moved back to Texas until I told him. He misses her and the grandchildren. I have a friend whose son never sees or visits his ill mother. She cries and prays for him to call her. Another friend hasn’t said a word to her mother in ten years! I know a lady who was disowned by her immediate family fifty years ago. She left town, and no one knows where she is to this day.

A famous twin sister duo, Ann Landers and Abigail Van Buren, each wrote newspaper columns. They gave advice to the brokenhearted, but they themselves separated from each other. Letters poured in to each of them—asking Dear Abby or Ann Landers how to fix a relationship with an alienated relative. The ladies gave excellent guidance, but they never took this advice themselves. They loved each other, but competition had driven them apart. Abby once commented she had a hole in her heart, but I guess it wasn’t a big enough hole for her to mend the situation. After twenty-five years, the sisters had a partial reconciliation, but they never fully regained a closeness.

Why is it family members are toxic and refuse to see each other? Is it personality conflict? Political opinions? Religious beliefs? Jealousy? Money matters? Rivalry? Control problems?

Whatever the issue, a kinship divided is a painful situation, and families should work at resolution. As we all know, life zooms by at a rapid rate, and our missed opportunities can’t be recovered. A shaky association where people work to connect is usually better than no association at all. Thanksgiving and Christmas will come again. Let’s get the extended family together.

In my book, Family Secrets, Rebecca’s folks wounded her deeply with their deception. Rebecca’s mom and siblings thought the secrets they kept would prevent hurt. When Rebecca heard about her birth, she ran away. (Kind of like my cousin) Anger then kept her from the ones she loved. Rebecca met Marshall, and he, along with neighbor Sam, tried to convince Rebecca to reconcile, but Rebecca was stubborn. Did she listen?

I hope you’ll read Family Secrets. It’s a historical novel, and it may help you reconcile relationships.

 

 http://amzn.to/2hwc6nB

Cease!

 

Peace be Still!

After preaching on a Galileen shore, Jesus grew tired and requested His disciples take Him by boat to a shore across the way. The Sea of Galilee can be unpredictable, and without warning, a storm arose. The gale tossed the boat as if it were a toothpick. Expert fishermen, who should be capable swimmers, feared they would drown. The squall shrieked with violence.

Jesus slept while the waves raged, but the men felt terror.

The guys shouted above the noise of the storm, “Don’t you care if we drown?”

Jesus woke up, looked about Him, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still.” The winds ceased and calm came once more to the sea.

As I read this passage, I asked the Lord, “Why don’t you just say cease, and the fires in California would go out?”

He gave me no answer.

No matter. He has reasons, but I know one word could change all conditions.

“Cease.”

After Jesus calmed the winds on the Sea of Galilee, He said to the disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” 

The disciples had seen Jesus perform miracle after miracle, yet they were amazed when he saved them from the deep blue sea. They spoke among themselves and asked, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey Him!”

We are in that same, “no faith boat.”  We don’t believe He controls all circumstances and can change them in the blink of an eye.

I am hoping that despite my faith, or lack thereof, Jesus will perform miracles. After all, the disciples had none, and they received a blessing.

 Mark 4:39

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