Birthday in Tennessee 2023
I'm a proud American, and I'm a firecracker born on the 4th of July. Yep, I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy.
The doctor told my mom I would come into the world before Sunday School. Not that she planned to go, of course. She was rather busy.
The physician promised my early arrival, but not before my dad threatened to throw him out the window. My father wanted my mom free of pain. Of course, the man in charge of my delivery couldn't do much to hurry up the process, but I guess his prediction was satisfactory to my dad.
I don't doubt my father, Sergeant Morton fully dressed in uiform, would have made good his threat to throw the man out the window, but the doctor got me here, and my dad allowed him to remain safe and sound.
Needless to say, that was many years ago, but a woman never tells her age. Not this one, anyway.
Do birthdays depress you?
Sometimes, they do me.
For some odd reason, last year was especially difficult. On this particular birthday, it hit me that I might not outlive our daughter, Shelley.
If you read my dementia posts, or my dementia blog, you know Shelley has been ill with this horrible disease for ten years. My goal and prayer is to outlive her. I oversee her care, and this responsiblity is always with me. Last year, I was filled with anxiety as I thought about age and realized I might not outlive her.
My family convinced me to take a trip to Tennesee, and I felt guilty for leaving Shelley. She's safe and well attended, but an unnecessay feeling of wrong doing lingered with me.
So, without warning, I had a meltdown.
The mountains have always been my favorite, and we had rented a beautiul house on top of the Earth's surface. The home had three stories.
Without much notice, I sobbed. My sweet hubby said, "How can I help you?"
I couldn't say because I didn't know. I went downstairs to the first level and stayed there until the meltdown ran its course.
Did I pray? Probably. However, I was too angry to confess my thoughts. I feared I might spout off something to God that I would later regret.
In His kindness, He understood and consoled me as I sat alone in that cool, quiet, restful place.
I love mountains, and the Smokies are my favorite. I also love the Rockies, but God keeps me in Texas.
This year, 2024, hubby and I stayed home alone. We visited Shelley. I told her it was my birthday, and my hubby sang the birthday song in place of Shelley doing it. In years past, she sang it to me, but this year, it didn't register.
I didn't have a meltdown this year, but I'm sure one will come again. It happens.
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