Negative Ned

 

Negative Ned

     Allow me to introduce you to Ned. The guy in never-never-land, you know, the one who is The No Man. This guy can’t say yes because to voice an aye would mean a change in his attitude.

The No Man’s wife came to my home to ask for advice. “My hubby turns down every suggestion I make, and I’m tired of it.” Her face grew flushed with anger.

Hmm? What to utter in response to her tirade?

“When you ask him to do something, he answers with a resounding no?” Just keep talking, maybe the situation will resolve itself.  That’s my motto.

“True. That’s what he does. If I want to entertain friends, he says, no.  If I want to vacation in a certain spot, ‘it’s Katy bar the door. He turns down every suggestion.’”

“Well, that is a problem,” I respond as I nod and smile.

Should I take her side and tell her the No Man is an idiot? Since she is a parishioner, this could mean a problem. She will repeat whatever I tell her, and then the No Man becomes mad, and the situation becomes a hot potato for me. We don’t aggravate members of the congregation.  Well, not on purpose, anyway.

So, I say, “What have you done about this in the past?”

She wipes a tear from her eye and says, “Nothing. I stopped voicing my opinion or my desire to do anything special, but I’m ready to make changes.”

“Hmm.” I say. “That’s too bad. Everyone deserves to have a say-so now and then. I can understand why you want to alter the pattern.”

At this point, I’m thinking the No Man is a real dolt, but I can’t say this out loud.

Instead of voicing my thoughts, I respond, “Why do you think he plays the Devil’s Advocate?”

Uh oh!  Should I have said that?  Oh well, it’s too late to zip my lip now. The cat’s out of the bag. I’ve just implied one of my congregants is one of Satan’s minions.

She doesn’t seem to notice my comment and replies, “I suppose he worries about money, my safety, or how exhausted I get from undertaking ventures.”

He might be a caring husband, or is he? Perhaps he prefers the simple life, but she’s missing out on things she might want. Is that fair?

“How nice,” I say. “He shows his love for you by saying no.”

Argh! Gag me with a spoon. A man shows love for his wife by spoiling her. I’m thinking this guy deserves a taste of his own medicine. So, I suggest this.

“Maybe you should tell him no for a change. Say something like, ‘because I love you, I’m going to be Negative Nellie and say no thank you to your idea of where to spend the weekend. I will go on vacation by myself.’”

She looks startled. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“He would throw a fit and tell me I can’t do it.”

“So, what else is new? He might see the light and agree.”

As she bites her lip, I wait.

What am I doing? Why didn’t I refer her to a professional counselor? I have no business suggesting she stand up for herself. On the other hand, she needs to grow a backbone.

She gathers her purse, ready to leave my living room. “I’ll do it! You’ve made excellent points. I’ll let you know how it turns out.”

I walk her to the door and hug her.

“Keep me posted. I hope everything turns out well.”

I stand in the doorway and wave goodbye. I close the door and inhale deeply. Negative Ned is going to be as mad as a hornet when his wife bucks him. It’s time for me to run for the hills. When Negative Nellie calls Negative Ned out, the bad stuff will hit the fan.

It is my bad, and my suggestions have disaster written all over them.  You see, for some odd reason, my pastor hubby wishes to grow a flock. Not scare them away. And I think I just did.

Stay tuned.