Sunday, June 28, 2020

Doctor Tales

These antidotes came from email on the Internet. I don't know who the physicians were, but they had tales to tell. Funny, too.

A man comes in the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab and lifted the lady's dress. I began struggling with her underwear, but she was uncooperative. Suddenly I glanced up and became horrified. There were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest.  "Big breaths, " I instructed. 

"Well, they used to be." She replied.

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and said, "Cover your right eye with your hand.  

He did and read the 20/20 line.  "Now your left."  Again, he read it.  "Now both." Nothing. 

The man couldn't read the large E. I turned and discovered he'd done exactly what I'd asked.  He was covering both eyes.

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with the medications.  "Which one?" The doctor asked. 

"The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and I'm running out of places to put it."

The patient undressed, and sure enough, he had over fifty patches on his body.  The new instructions now read, "Remove the old patch before applying a new one."

Have you experienced a video chat with a doctor yet?  I've had three. It's kinda nice.

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Watch Me on YouTube

As most of you know, our daughter lives in an assisted living and suffers from early onset dementia. You'll find a topic on Dementia at the top of my blog.

Because of isolation, I can't go inside the facility, and our daughter begs to see me. I thought about reading a portion of one of my books to her, I thought that would help, so I contacted my publisher. Pelican Book Group owns the video rights, and I needed permission. The publisher gave authorization. I read portions of a book for a few minutes and the publisher posted on our YouTube channel.

The facility administrator showed the presentation to our daughter. It confused her. She thought I was in the room and wanted to hug and talk to me.

Dementia is a sad, cruel disease. So is this quarantine for people in facilities.  I wrote President Trump with complaints and suggestions, but I've heard no response. Residents in these facilities need an advocate.  I'll share the letter in a future post.

Here's my YouTube video.  I hope you'll watch and leave a comment.  I didn't dress up for the occasion. I was sad, but  I made myself do it. I did it in one take. As I look back at it, I should have redone it.  But it's out there. 

Please say hello.

Sunday, June 14, 2020

You Got Mental Issues?

One statistic says one out of four American are mentally ill. Next time you're in a group of four people, if they all look normal, than you must be the one who's crazy.

Another statistic says mental illness strikes one every 60 seconds. Avoid crowds. Quite a few will suddenly become wacko. Pray it won't be you.

One stressed, mental patient returned to his doctor.
Patient: The liquid medicine doesn't work."
Doctor: "Did you drink it after a hot bath?"
Patient: "No, after I drank the bath, I couldn't get down the medication."

Friend: "I heard you have new meds for your mental illness? How much are you taking for it?
Patient:  "I don't know what will you give me?"

Did you hear about the man who read that wine was bad for mental health? He fixed his mental problem. He gave up reading about it.

Mental illness is not a joking manner, but sometimes we laugh to keep from crying. Dementia, and losing one's mind is a wordless horror. We watch our daughter lose brain functions and it's sad. On the other hand, people with Alzheimers and dementia often do and say funny things.  A man with dementia was asked to pray yesterday. He said, "Lord, don't let us fall into a ditch."  Perhaps his request was expressed in an odd, humorous manner, but the listeners understood. He was saying "Keep us safe."

Sarah: A Mission of Love

Sarah: Laney's Angel

Sarah at Christmas