Anger

 

“Are you angry?”  A lady ambled up to me after a fitness class. I see her working out, but I’ve never met her and don’t know her name.

I’m sure my eyebrows rose at her question. They usually do when I’m surprised. “Am I angry about what,” I asked?

“I know your daughter passed recently, and I see you looking normal. Aren’t you angry about what happened to you?”

“No, I’m not angry. I get sad, and sometimes I’m more depressed than at other times, but I’m not angry.”

The lady began to cry. Tears of sorrow flooded her cheeks faster than she could wipe them away. “I’m so angry that I want to yell and smash something.”

Whoa! I thought. What do I do now? I replied. “I can see you are upset. What caused this rage?”

Between sobs, the woman explained her husband of 50 years had made unwise decisions, and they now they had no money or friends. She went on to tell me he yells at her over and again to “just get over it.”

I said you need a hug, and I gave her one. But what else to say? People who are hurting don’t need platitudes. They need help. Answers. But what can I do to support, and what answers could I give to help?

Our choices affect other people and cause a ripple result. This lady didn’t gamble money away, her husband did, and she now suffers the consequences of his actions.

Bummer? Right?

I never expected to bury a daughter, but I did. We have no control over all our circumstances, but we can choose our actions and thoughts.

The troubled lady thought I looked as though I’m doing well. She can’t see inside my heart, just as I can’t see into hers. But I see hurt on her face. She didn’t see pain on mine. On that day, anyway.

This lady kept saying, “I need to be kind. I need to forgive.”

I replied, “That is a good response. You’re on the right track.”

 Is it easy to forgive and move on?

A big no! Choosing to forgive and acting kind takes work. And it is exhausting. And for hundreds, like me, it’s more draining than not. It is equally hard for this dear lady, too.

I’m not angry with God for taking my daughter. She was so sick! And now she isn’t.

But what if my feet were in this lady’s shoes? I’m guessing I’d be angry at my husband for doing unreasonable things, and I might be angry at God because He allowed it.

I’d be in good company. In the Old Testament, Job and Jonah became angry with God. They also lived to talk about it.

Moses also had his problems with the Almighty.

What did they do to get over it?

Nothing.

God intervened at the proper time.

Did it make them feel good to be angry at God?

Probably.

For a tiny bit of time, anyway.

But when reason took over, these guys realized how merciful God is.

And that humbling fact surpassed everything else.

My friends, I don’t know where you are on your journey. Perhaps you are angry. Depressed. Feeling hopeless. In daily tears.

Emotions are just that. They aren’t facts. And that’s okay. God gave them to us, and they teach us stuff He wants us to know.

Facts are these:  God loves us. He’s merciful beyond measure. He’s with us even when we are angry, and He understands.

As the day darkens into night, so do our circumstances.

Chin up!

Dear one, it will get better. Don’t give up! Wait to see what God has planned for you!

Top Rated Blog

 

My blog, “I’ll Always Remember” was selected as one of the top dementia blogs on the Internet!

You'll find my blog here: I'll Always Remember

On this blog, I write about our daughter and our journey with dementia. I try to give tips for caregivers. Traveling with someone who needs care is daunting. Caregivers are confronted with situations they have never experienced before. We don’t know the questions to ask, and when we do seek information, we don’t always know what to do with it.

Caregiving takes a toll physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Most of the caregiving falls to one person. We feel privileged to help, but we grow weary.

I met a man whose mother suffers with Alzheimer's. His wife slept with the man's mom. Fearing the afflicted would wake up and wander, the wife placed a bell over the bedroom door.  Alzheimer's patients can wander off. If the mom got up, the bell would awaken the caregiver.

This man told me his wife fed his mom and bathed her.

This man said it was an honor to care for his mother. But he was out and about. His wife had the honor. Not him.

I have lunch once a month with two ladies whose husbands lived in the same memory care as our daugher. We encourage each other and offer suggestions for the unexpected surprises.

Our daughter now lives in heaven. A friend asked me if I plan to continue the dementia blog. I will for a bit longer. I hope I can help someone who is on this dreadful voyage.

We all need to help one another as much as we can. 

Ways to help a caregiver

1. Financially.

2. Stay with the afflicted person while the caregiver takes a break.

3. Take a meal to them.

4. Listen to the caregiver. Just listen. 

5. Hug them.

6. Give them this link to information Best Dementia Blogs

 

 

Penelope and Me

Good Morning Everyone!

 

I want you to meet my friend, Penelope Marzec. She is an author with a staggering amount of novels to her credit.

Penny and I have never met face to face, but we are long-term friends. We met in 2012, when our publisher published my first book, and Penny was already an experienced novelist with the same company.

We have a lot in common. We are about the same age, and we both have been married to our husbands for years. We each gave birth to three daughters.

In a few ways, we are different. She is a devout Catholic, and I’m a dedicated Baptist, but we are both committed Christians.  She is a Democrat, and I am a Republican, but we respect each other, and we can talk about our differences without anger or insinuations.

Penny’s latest book, Love’s Gift, is another book to interest and enlighten you. She writes about the Transcontinental Railroad.  I asked her how she came up with that idea, and here’s what she said.

On Amazon

“The idea of the Chinese orphans came to me due to my husband’s fascination with trains.

From him, I learned about the building of the Transcontinental Railroad. Chinese laborers were recruited to come to this country to help build the railroad. They were given lower wages than the whites plus their work in tunneling through the Sierra Nevada Mountains was the most

dangerous. Yet, they were excluded from the famous photograph that marked the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad in Utah, which was celebrated by the hammering of the Golden Spike.

 Unfortunately, the Chinese became victims of racial prejudice and in 1882 the Chinese Exclusion Act banned Chinese laborers from entering the United States. The Chinese already in this country were not allowed to become citizens. In fact, Chinese people in this country needed

to carry residency papers with them at all times. Otherwise, they could be sent to China. It’s a sad part of our country’s history, but my heroine perseveres helped by her faith.”

This is a wonderful book, and I hope you will buy it and leave a review!

I'm published a video about Penny and this book. Perhaps you'd like to see it. 

Gay on YouTube