Many men and women deal with an abusive person. Maybe it's a spouse or a bully at work. Abuse can be more that giving a person a black eye. Words. Gestures. Intimidation. All part of an unhealthy relationship.
Not pleasant is it?
I've seen abused wives who fail to understand their part in the ugly relationship.
1. Know it's happening and understand.
2. Don't participate
3. Get counseling
A young lady cried into the telephone to my listening ear. "He won't let me go to my uncles' funeral. He's afraid I'll stay in a hotel over night with a man. I'm so sad I can't go."
What? If you ask me, that's crazy thinking. This woman would be staying with family for a family's sorrowful event.
I listened to another young lady tell me about a night she spent sitting on the toilet lid reading her Bible. Her hubby sat and watched. Every time she nodded off to sleep, he yelled to start reading again. He forced her to sit and read all night long.
Why did these women give in to the men?
Love for the psyco. Fear of the bully. Helplessness. Sense of duty. Low self-esteem. Fear of losing their life.
Now here's my opinion. These guys are both control freaks, but the women don't look at it that way. They have no clue they are being abused. These men say cruel things and forbid their wives to have a life or friends they aren't part of.
The gals participates in abuse by doing whatever the men dictate. The guys are happy campers because they rule the roost. The women are miserable and imprisoned.
These couples need counseling.
Women, if the man won't go seek a professional, you go. Your health and life depends on it. Verbal abuse can turn into physical abuse.
Situations like these are the reasons I've written two books. My prayer is to help women understand they don't have to accept abuse or participate in it.
Gay N. Lewis' Clue into Kindness is a story about Georgia, a woman who loves her husband, but he often says things that make her feel sad. He doesn't think before he speaks; then situations arise where he does things that embarrass Georgia or her friends. Georgia is a kind woman and always tries to avoid situations where her husband verbally abuses her. Her kindness goes above and beyond to keep the peace with her husband, but she always feels like she is walking on egg shells! Even her friends do not like him.
Her life and situation change after attending a party at her father-in-law's house. Her husband Alan hears some home truths about his behaviour from his friends during the party. Hearing these things about his behaviour, he tries hard to mend his ways. But could it be too late for Georgia to accept his willingness to change? Especially after the years of verbal abuse she experienced? It is an arduous task indeed for her. Do we love unconditionally? Georgia certainly did, and even when temptation comes her way she is steadfast and loyal towards her husband. She firmly believes that kindness will overcome anything presented to her.
Gay N. Lewis' Clue into Kindness illustrates from Corinthians 1:13 that "love is kind." This is certainly not a romantic novella, but a story of the struggle of love and the power of love to overcome adversity, like a husband who can be cruel in what he says. Verbal abuse is not and should not be acceptable anywhere, and certainly not in marriage. Georgia shows utmost kindness to this, and Gay N. Lewis is adept at describing how Georgia feels and the ultimate changes that her husband would/should go through. A heartrending and well written story.
A new book comes out in June. It's a historical novel set in 1925. Women had less opportunities than at present. If a husband was abusive, the wife was always at fault. Many still believe that today.
I hope you'll read both books. Give them to a woman who lives with abuse of some sort. Maybe they'll recognize they aren't to blame and seek help.